Buying you a drink and food auctions. Or I'm a red neck magnet!

Here's a real life dating story from when I was between husbands about meeting a southern guy and not understanding.

I went to hear some friends of my daughter sing karoke. They had a band that wasn't bad so I thought hey this might really be fun to watch them onstage singing karoke. When I got to the place they were "singing" I realized that they had a really large and young group. My daughte had to work and had not come in. Enter uncomfortable, and feeling really weird to begin with.

A cute guy catches my eye. Clean cut, blond, he's smiling at me. Okay... I've done this before in my ancient past. It's called flirting. I vauglely remember that somewhere in my teens I used to do this, and cut my eyes at him and smile. He motions me over, he's sitting at a table. I go over, he says, "I'd like to buy you a drink" in his charming southern' accent. He has blue eyes. Nice... "Okay, I like red wine I say and sit down." He motions the waitress over and orders me a glass of wine. He's drinking beer. Now Northern Guys drink beer, but I've known a few who like a glass of vino now and again as well. Something I was to learn was most Southern guys don't, it's beer, beer, beer  baby. But I digress.

Cute Southern Man is still smiling and I smile back. He says his opening line. "I'd like you to take a ride in my pickup truck." Ewwww nooooooo. I don't KNOW you I think. And I don't want to get to know you really well before I get to know you. Plus am not a fan of the huge gas guzzling pick up trucks that have lined the streets here where I live. Nice small Toyota pickups, I can handle. Big ones??? NO.

For another thing I don't know how to get up in one in my dress without becoming VERY unladylike in my short skirt. I picture my limbs all askew as I climb into the pickup truck with out the aid of a fire ladder.. By the way do they sell ladders for those boys??? It sure would help with the ladies unless you plan on lifting me in.

So I say, no, I don't think so. The wine arrives. I'm sipping and he trys his next line. "You wanna come food auction with me?" Notice I didn't say to a food auction because that is NOT the way he said it. He said it just like I wrote it. Ummmm I'm very puzzled now. We've gone from a moonlit ride in the 12 story high pick up truck to a food auction? What the heck is a food auction? I'm thinking. I bet they don't even exist... Probably another way to get me to ride in the pick up truck. "No thank you I say." "I have my daugher this weekend, she's working right now, but I really have to go back to her this evening. In fact, she'll be home soon, so I'll have to leave soon." I'm drinking fast here girls...

Southern man lights up. A common interest!!! "I have my boy tomorrow too." he says. "How about coming bowling with us, you and your daughter?" Ah bowling. This I've done, and I've had some wine so I'm not really thinking about the huge pickup truck hurdle. "Maybe." Southern man lights up even more. "Good! Give me your phone number and I'll call you tomorrow morning." Suddenly vision of 12 story high pick up truck, my daugher squeezed by the door, the son next to her, and me by Southern Boy. I'm panicked, I give him MY REAL PHONE number! Yeah I know, combination of wine and panic is not a good combination. I chug the last of my wine.

"Well it looks like my friends are ready to go." I say, they are getting up to leave. "Okay." he says. I turn and make a beeline for Corrie's friends. "Get me out of here." They are laughing having watched the whole procedure from afar. We walk out and I get in my car, drive home to daughter who is now home from work and go to bed.

Fast forward to the next morning. I'm having my morning cuppa and my toast and peanut butter. No grits for this Northern lady please, and the phone rings. I'm thinking it's my daughter's dad, or my other kids. Nope! It's Southern Man. I've been thinking of what I'll say to him over coffee IF he calls, thinking he won't. Him'"So you want to go bowling tonight?" Me-"Um Ive been thinking about that. It was really nice meeting you, thank you for buying me wine"-I'm a good actress when  I want to be. "I really don't think I'm your type though. I think you need to keep looking. There are lots of nice girls out there like you, and I think you should keep looking for them.""Okay." he says and hangs up.

Phew-dogdged a bullet. I don't understand Southern guys I think. I later look up food auctions online and yes girls they do have them, but I'm not ready to go to one in my high heels and short skirt. Plus I need a little more finesse with guys. I'm used to a more subtle approach I think. I'll just leave these kind of southern boys to you girls who understand them.