A serious post about couples.

This is not a post about dating either southern or northern men. It's a serious post about being coupled. There are days I think I will never be compatibly coupled with anyone. For one thing, I'm a very independent girl and for some men this is a milestone that just can NOT be overcome. And... I'm a leader. Even when I don't want to be I find myself forced into a position of leadership, sometimes just by default. This can also be hard on the other half of a couple. Not everyone wants to be around that 24/7.

But... that being said I must also say I'm just tired. I'm tired of struggling. Of the daily struggle just to survive in one form or another. It sure would be nice to have a shoulder to lean my weary head on at the end of the day that just understood and could just put their arm around my shoulder. Or someone I could just hold hands with and be quiet while the world rushes by.

Some days I despair of ever finding this.

To those who have it I am just being morose, they have that hand to hold when times get tough, that shoulder to lean on. They have this rare coupling and can not understand how someone could think it will never happen for them.

Well, I thought it would happen twice. I was wrong. I admit, I'm the worlds worst at picking men. Instead of picing interdependent relationships I tend to pick those that are dependent on me, or are dominering of me. Neither works too well.

Add this aweesome fact to my age, my older body, my personality and intellect it seems like finding this compatible coupling will be as rare as getting struck by lightning. Yeah it could happen... but statistically???

I have a friend who tells me I'm just thinking negatively. That I bounce back and forth. May be. But... she sits in her nice home tonight with her husband who tells her daily he loves her. Who puts his arm around her and tells her she's beautiful. Who thinks she's the best. Yeah they have their problems... but it always comes round to this. Where does one find these men? Especially at my age??? Most of them I've found want a young trophy wife, or a nurse with a purse. There you go. Neither of those are me anymore.

I'm a confident professional woman who is overweight but trying. Who sincerely loves and would like to be loved in return. Someone who I could lean my head on when the going gets tough. Someone to bring me coffee in the morning. Someone to spoil me like I'd spoil them. Are you out there?

Buying you a drink and food auctions. Or I'm a red neck magnet!

Here's a real life dating story from when I was between husbands about meeting a southern guy and not understanding.

I went to hear some friends of my daughter sing karoke. They had a band that wasn't bad so I thought hey this might really be fun to watch them onstage singing karoke. When I got to the place they were "singing" I realized that they had a really large and young group. My daughte had to work and had not come in. Enter uncomfortable, and feeling really weird to begin with.

A cute guy catches my eye. Clean cut, blond, he's smiling at me. Okay... I've done this before in my ancient past. It's called flirting. I vauglely remember that somewhere in my teens I used to do this, and cut my eyes at him and smile. He motions me over, he's sitting at a table. I go over, he says, "I'd like to buy you a drink" in his charming southern' accent. He has blue eyes. Nice... "Okay, I like red wine I say and sit down." He motions the waitress over and orders me a glass of wine. He's drinking beer. Now Northern Guys drink beer, but I've known a few who like a glass of vino now and again as well. Something I was to learn was most Southern guys don't, it's beer, beer, beer  baby. But I digress.

Cute Southern Man is still smiling and I smile back. He says his opening line. "I'd like you to take a ride in my pickup truck." Ewwww nooooooo. I don't KNOW you I think. And I don't want to get to know you really well before I get to know you. Plus am not a fan of the huge gas guzzling pick up trucks that have lined the streets here where I live. Nice small Toyota pickups, I can handle. Big ones??? NO.

For another thing I don't know how to get up in one in my dress without becoming VERY unladylike in my short skirt. I picture my limbs all askew as I climb into the pickup truck with out the aid of a fire ladder.. By the way do they sell ladders for those boys??? It sure would help with the ladies unless you plan on lifting me in.

So I say, no, I don't think so. The wine arrives. I'm sipping and he trys his next line. "You wanna come food auction with me?" Notice I didn't say to a food auction because that is NOT the way he said it. He said it just like I wrote it. Ummmm I'm very puzzled now. We've gone from a moonlit ride in the 12 story high pick up truck to a food auction? What the heck is a food auction? I'm thinking. I bet they don't even exist... Probably another way to get me to ride in the pick up truck. "No thank you I say." "I have my daugher this weekend, she's working right now, but I really have to go back to her this evening. In fact, she'll be home soon, so I'll have to leave soon." I'm drinking fast here girls...

Southern man lights up. A common interest!!! "I have my boy tomorrow too." he says. "How about coming bowling with us, you and your daughter?" Ah bowling. This I've done, and I've had some wine so I'm not really thinking about the huge pickup truck hurdle. "Maybe." Southern man lights up even more. "Good! Give me your phone number and I'll call you tomorrow morning." Suddenly vision of 12 story high pick up truck, my daugher squeezed by the door, the son next to her, and me by Southern Boy. I'm panicked, I give him MY REAL PHONE number! Yeah I know, combination of wine and panic is not a good combination. I chug the last of my wine.

"Well it looks like my friends are ready to go." I say, they are getting up to leave. "Okay." he says. I turn and make a beeline for Corrie's friends. "Get me out of here." They are laughing having watched the whole procedure from afar. We walk out and I get in my car, drive home to daughter who is now home from work and go to bed.

Fast forward to the next morning. I'm having my morning cuppa and my toast and peanut butter. No grits for this Northern lady please, and the phone rings. I'm thinking it's my daughter's dad, or my other kids. Nope! It's Southern Man. I've been thinking of what I'll say to him over coffee IF he calls, thinking he won't. Him'"So you want to go bowling tonight?" Me-"Um Ive been thinking about that. It was really nice meeting you, thank you for buying me wine"-I'm a good actress when  I want to be. "I really don't think I'm your type though. I think you need to keep looking. There are lots of nice girls out there like you, and I think you should keep looking for them.""Okay." he says and hangs up.

Phew-dogdged a bullet. I don't understand Southern guys I think. I later look up food auctions online and yes girls they do have them, but I'm not ready to go to one in my high heels and short skirt. Plus I need a little more finesse with guys. I'm used to a more subtle approach I think. I'll just leave these kind of southern boys to you girls who understand them.

Welcome

Thanks for stumbling in. I say stumbling because if you are reading this you're probably reeling from trying to figure out the opposite sex in general and southern boys in particular. This blog has started because several of my friends have or have had sucessful and uncessful relationships with Southern Men. We've found them charming yet baffling because we are GASP northern girls. I'm hoping to keep this light and entertaining yet thoughtfuly real. I posted this first on facebook half a as a joke and here are some of the comments I got.

First and foremost-Don't. But if you have to because you DO live in the south and what options are there? Date them but don't marry them, unless you are prepared to learn how to deal with THE momma. Because she. will. always. be. a. part. of. their. life. And she will always see him as her little boy.

From a southern girl-Don't date them, leave them to us southern girls who understand them and their mamas.-See above!

Also from one happily married northern girl, married to a southerner, get along with their mama and play with their guns. Again, see number one above.

From a male friend of mine, become one with the tractor. Also from the same man-northerner-drink lotsa whiskey drive the tractor and shoot the gun and you'll have men running to you.

And again from the southern girl-I think to deal with the Mamas you have to realize she is always going to see him as her little boy no matter what. Even if you don't always agree with her, you have to remember she did some things right or she wouldn't have raised her baby into a man you actually want to marry. Although, I have no problem with my mother-in-law, we all know I have the best one ever, but I know a lot of people aren't so lucky. Also learn to cook, and cook good southern food (talk to Mama, she'll be happy to tell you how)

Again with the mamas girls. So girls meet mama first! Get to know her, and try and love her, then her baby will love you too.